Taking Off the Rose Colored Glasses
I see people with a soft, blush-pink hue. It's the reason I am a great teacher. I see the very best, the highest potential in everyone. I remember being a young girl, staring out at a crowd of people in an amusement park, thinking, "If you watch closely enough, you can see something extraordinarily beautiful in everyone." This way of thinking has stayed with me and helped me plant seeds of encouragement and love in the hearts of people who need it. Still, it has also been a shock of pain, a blow to the stomach, when my optimism in the human spirit prevents me from seeing the dangers and pitfalls inherent to human nature. In service to another's need for affirmation, I often sacrifice what should be most sacred: myself and my heart. It's a tension I'm actively managing, and I'm learning some tough lessons as I find balance:
1. Be cautious of anyone who comes on too strong. Though I can be guilty of extreme kindness, this trait makes me vulnerable to love bombers. A love bomber is a person who assaults you with affection, attention, and vague, meaningless praise. They might shower you with gifts, constantly text or call you, or make grand gestures and statements of love. This kind of behavior is often a dog and pony show performed to distract you from their motives and imperfections. Neither personal agendas nor flaws are inherently wrong, but the desire to hide them is the problem. If a person is unwilling to show you who they are, what they need, and what they lack, they are grappling with their self-esteem and will likely be unable to engage in a healthy emotional exchange.
2. Remember, at the end of the day, you are the only one who can truly protect your heart. No one, except a higher power, can love you more than you love yourself. By loving yourself deeply, you also learn to set firm boundaries, establish clear limits, and assert non-negotiables to keep those who take advantage of your kindness at bay. Loving and caring for yourself is not selfishness; it demonstrates self-care. It also teaches those around you how to love you in a way that respects your boundaries.
3. Just because you are genuinely interested in another person's story doesn't mean they are interested in yours. People who genuinely want to know and be in your life are curious. They ask about the people, places, and events in your life. They probe about your job, kids, hobbies, and playlists. If a person isn't asking you any questions, they don't care to know you deeply, and you should take that as a sign and match their interest level. Never give more of yourself than another person is willing to give. The imbalance will leave you feeling unseen and undervalued.
Regardless of your identity, our culture often encourages us to engage in politeness, niceties, and acceptance. While these can be beautiful when done sincerely, many people hustle compliments and charm for something else, often without considering your feelings. It's a harsh truth, but if we can set aside our rose-colored glasses, we can learn to balance optimism and pragmatism. This approach allows us to appreciate the best in others while also preserving our dignity and spirit. It's a delicate balance but one worth striving for. I’m working on it, how about you?